


Adventuring

by Niler



Series: Adventuring [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-03-09 12:05:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3249023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niler/pseuds/Niler





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Styloff](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Styloff).



 

 

Adventuring

 

 

 

 

Doesn’t really get the concept of ‘over-protective’.

She’s his sister – comes with the territory.

In her position – older sibling – he has no doubt he’d be that way, too.

Always wanted to be big brother to a little brother - or preferably, little sister.

It’s a privileged position – knows it from Gem, from Zayn, from Louis, definitely from Jeff (though Jeff’s attitude towards Cam is just a little different to Zayn’s or Louis’ attitude toward _their_ sisters).

Could be because Cam’s a boy.

Probably.

He watches him with Cam, noting the way Jeff looks at him when he doesn’t know he’s being observed.

It’s a look _he’s_ never seen on Gemma’s face, but that she _has_ such a look he has no doubt.

Her love for him is something that just is; doesn’t _need_ to be displayed in fond looks, is simply a given, an unchanging, immutable fact of life.

Gemma has strong opinions and isn’t backward in coming forward when it comes to airing them. She knows better, however, than to expect him to take any notice of her opinion when it’s something contrary to what he himself has decided he wishes to do.

She has two modes: extreme diplomacy so that Harry can never know she disapproves; voice her opinion to make it clear that she will most definitely say ‘told you’ when he comes a cropper.

She’s wise and she’s his big sister, his hero, but she doesn’t know _everything_.

Though he tells her a lot, there are some things you simply don’t tell your big sister.

She was pretty unsympathetic when his relationship with Louis was going tits up, and though he sort of appreciates her position _now_ , there’s still a touch of resentment whenever he has reason to recall just how very unsympathetic she was.

She’d never quite said: ‘told you’, but more or less. Actually, hadn’t she _sort_ of said it, though, because if anyone had a ‘told you’ expression then Gemma was that person. And yeah he’d seen that ‘told you’ expression many times that entire year.

Well, Louis had done his best to charm her from the start, but had got precisely nowhere, and since Louis was the ‘oh you don’t like me, well guess what, I don’t like you either, so fuck you!’ type had give her no reason – or opportunity - to change her mind.

Truth is hardly any of his friends liked Louis, a feeling that was certainly mutual.

There’d been a time when he’d actively considered the question of whether he’d be able to make the choice between Louis or his friends, and even in the early days, at his most besotted, it hadn’t ever been that clear-cut.

That nitty gritty moment when you were tasked to face the ‘yes, but if you _had_ to, if it came to it, which button would you press?’ dilemma, and he hadn’t ever made that commitment, shying away whenever it nagged at him, because deep down he knew that his choice would be the ‘wrong’ one, would probably tell him more about his relationship than he cared to know at that time.

Lately, he’s allowed the question to arise again, but this time it really is philosophical, because his friends don’t hate Jeff, Jeff doesn’t hate his friends, and in the end it’s this simple fact that makes the act of pressing the button utterly painless, inevitable.

The fact that with Jeff there is no such dilemma, no question of having to make that choice is what makes pressing the ‘Jeff button’ an absolute no brainer.

 

So Gemma gives him her opinion, and once again he listens and then does what he intended to do in the first place.

 

 

**

 

Sex is something that does and probably always will fascinate him.

Same thing, yet _different,_ depending on who, depending on mood, depending on level of lust, depending on love.

He’s good at it, knows it, but doesn’t see how you couldn’t _not_ be when you like something so much. Why _wouldn’t_ you do it to the best of your ability? He really doesn’t do half-hearted when it comes to sex, because if that’s how it’s going to be why do it at all? If it’s a one nighter then give them the _best_ experience possible; if it’s your partner then do it because you both want to, and if you both want to then it’ll quite naturally _be_ special, won’t it?

He’s learned, of course, that not everyone shares his philosophy, but really, isn’t life about adventuring, journeying, finding out along the way what you wish to keep, what you wish to discard?

He’s had sex casually, had sex as one half of a couple, and each experience proved extremely valuable, so he certainly doesn’t have any regrets, there.

While he’d definitely been in a relationship with Louis, Louis hadn’t wanted to be exclusive, which meant that neither of them had been monogamous, and though the ‘extramarital’ sex hadn’t always been strictly casual it had been understood that it wouldn’t affect or ever trump what they had. Well, that had been fine in theory, but the truth was that the casual sex _had_ sometimes been better. Being with Louis, choosing that relationship as primary, had, in the end, come down to other factors – love, need, self-interest.

He’d wanted to be everything to Louis, and that had proved to be an impossible ask. Of _course_ it was, but at the time, to his unworldly 17 year old self it had seemed the most natural thing in the world, the goal for _anyone_ in love. Louis, being far more worldly had seen it differently, stuck to his guns despite Harry’s pressure.

For a long, long time he’d resented the hell out of him for this, but looking back now, all he feels is gratitude, gratitude that he’d made it easy for him to see what he wanted, what he didn’t.

It’s unfair of course to regard his relationship with Louis as a sort of dry run, a proving ground for future – successful – relationships, but it’s not like he _designed_ it that way.

Not like Louis hasn’t also learned from the mistakes they both made, and will no doubt use those self-same lessons to design a successful future relationship for himself.

There just comes a point when you have to stop picking at the scab and let it heal on its own, in its own time – move on.

_He’s_ moved on, but Louis hasn’t quite, and there are times when he feels like a prick for not caring that he bruises him – or rather that the fact of Harry’s new relationship makes him feel whatever people feel when they lose someone they care for to another.

Louis would dislike Jeff at the best of times, but here, right now, in these circumstances his resentment is molten hot, the circumstances being that Harry is happy, that he is happier than he has ever been; happier than he was with Michael, happier than he was with Nick, happier than he was with Louis.

Louis’ no fool and he must be able to chart the trajectory of Harry’s happiness for himself; him, Nick, Michael, Jeff. Each guy – after him – saw an increase in the happiness quotient until, with Jeff, Harry reached a point that no longer even _looks_ like happy.

Only someone who’s been in love with you, seen _you_ in love can recognise that point, where this new person has brought you to a level which eclipses everything that’s gone before.

Harry knows how it feels and realises that other people can _see_ how he feels, can see it on him, see how it’s changed him, see how Jeff’s presence brings him to a point where he’s simply _content_ , a level that lives somewhere beyond happy.

It’s something he’s never felt before, and is still struggling to work out whether it’s because he’s in love or simply because Jeff is perfect.

 

 

**

 

 

“And did she have the patented Gem look when you told her?”

“I used a mirror.”

“The Medusa Mirror.”

“Yeah, so she _may_ have had the look but I made sure I was protected.”

“Did you _attempt_ to lop off her head?”

“Hey, she may be a gorgon, but she’s _my_ gorgon!”

Jeff’s laughter is not helpful, not when you’re trying to keep a ‘straight face’. Harry swears they’ve had extended laughing fits simply because Jeff’s laugh has set him off and then when he laughs, Jeff laughs, and on it goes. “I ever tell you you’re nuts?”

“No, never.”

“Well, you’re nuts.”

“I love nuts.”

“Good thing I do , too.”

And Harry silently agrees; good thing Jeff likes lots of crazy things... “Ask you something?”

“Ask.”

“You’re not just with me cos...”

“Cos what?”

“You know...”

“I don’t. What?”

“Cos you’re an Anglophile.”

Jeff’s snort makes him grin. “Isn’t it _obvious_? I just _love_ all things British. You’ve seen my Union Jack themed spare room right?”

“You mean my room?”

And he’s off again, Harry amazed as he always is that he has the capacity to make Jeff laugh so regularly, so easily.

It occurs to him that he has never once found his mind anywhere close to entertaining any variant on the thought: please let me not lose this.

He honestly cannot work out why that might be, but intuitively understands that _this_ is part of the contentment, part of this new experience he’s in the midst of, and therefore doesn’t seek to question - or analyse.

 

**

 

He tells Niall, knowing his opinion will make no difference, but Niall’s his best friend in the band and he wants him to know beforehand.

Niall’s response is lowkey – as Harry could have predicted. “Is he gonna be alright with that?”

Harry shrugs. “He seems to be okay, yeah.”

Niall mirrors his shrug. “Well if he can stand the madness of the travel then all power to him.”

“He’s playing it cool, but I know he’s excited.”

Niall’s snort is mildly scornful. “Yeah, wait until he’s been crammed in a sweaty van with only 2 hours sleep and only a sandwich all day.”

“We’re talking about Jeff, not you, Niall. He won’t be ‘crammed’ anywhere, and he’ll have plenty to eat. He’s not gonna be travelling with us. Why would you think he’d be travelling with us?”

“Well, I think he’d enjoy it. Why not give him that experience?”

Harry considers. “Funnily enough he did sort of suggest something along those lines.”

“Well, there you go then.”

“Have to sort it out with Rachel and Mags.”

“Don’t see it being an issue. Though, maybe his insurance cover might be a bit steep. Don’t see Irving being okay about him not having water tight coverage.”

Harry dismisses this with a hand wave, mind caught on the prospect of Jeff actually travelling with them – on the ground as it were. “We’ll sort it.” Well, that would be a very different experience. Jeff was well known to the crew and they’d have no problem welcoming him into the fold. God, that was going to be even better! He looks at Niall, a serious expression on his face. “Niall, you think it’ll be alright?”

Niall answers in the affirmative, the pat on his arm meant to convey reassurance and certitude, but Harry doesn’t miss the millisecond of hesitation _prior_ to his response.

Well, he can see issues himself, so wouldn’t have truly believed Niall if he’d appeared to be absolutely certain about it, but decides to do as everyone else does – swallow his misgivings and use his friend’s assurance as a stamp of approval.

 

 

**

 

“He’ll burn; you’ll be in bed with a lobster every night, and how fun will _that_ be?”

“He’s from California.”

“But Aussie sun and Cali sun – two very different animals.”

“Whatever, Grimmers. Can you do it or not?”

“Can? Sure. Should? Dunno. Will? Probably not.”

“Whatever.”

 

**

 

He doesn’t _need_ to ask permission, certainly not from any of the others, but that’s not how they do things. He’s had to be pretty open about everything simply because that’s how they do things (but that that’s actually turned out to be a bit of an advantage).

He obviously isn’t going to ‘ask permission’ from Louis and obviously not from Zayn either.

Thing about Liam is that he’s a bit of an unpredictable bastard at times. Catch him on form and he’s a joy to be around, catch him on one of his offdays and it’s like talking to a headmaster – no, a maths teacher who’s done time in Strangeways, rubbed shoulders with serial killers, gangland assassins and still somehow managed to make them feel like they’re back in the classroom – on the receiving end of a scathing exercise in the art of putting someone down. Harry has no idea which part of the teacher training curriculum incorporates that specific ‘skillset’ but he is absolutely certain it does

Liam can make you feel like you’ve ‘let the whole class down’ just with a look, but it’s rare that he’ll _leave_ it at a look.

Harry can deal with him, he’d just rather not have to go through it so prays he’s had some good loving from Zayn and will, therefore, be amenable to the imparting of perfectly reasonable information.

Face to face is always best with Liam – you need to watch this one’s eyes to get an idea of where he’s at; he’s pretty good at giving the entirely opposite impression to what’s really going on with him.

The only thing is that when you catch him at home chances are good that Zayn will be around, and while that _can_ be a positive, there are times when it’s definitely detrimental.

His preference is to go one on one with Liam. Zayn will nearly always, inevitably, influence him, and therefore you can’t trust the stability of these Zayn influenced decisions, so getting him to say what he truly feels is by far the best outcome.

“I need to talk to you, Liam. You free to come to town?”

“What’s up, mate? Everything alright?” He sounds calm, unharried – good start.

“Have dinner with me.”

There’s a slight hesitation, and Harry guesses he has plans. “Something wrong?”

“Just need a word. I can come to yours if that’s better.”

“No, I’ll come up to London. Need to do a bit of shopping anyway.”

“Meet you at the usual place in about 2 hours?”

“be more precise, Styles, you know how I am.”

“5.”

“Done. See you then, mate. Oh wait a minute; casual or formal cos I gotta tell ya, don’t have me tux handy.”

“Just wear clothes, Liam.”

“Do me best.”

 

 

**

 

Liam looks nervous, but that’s Liam, so he doesn’t take too much notice.

Their usual place is a Greek cafe, popular but not enough to attract the type of attention neither of them welcome.

Liam’s nice to hug; smells good and gives back as much as he gets.

“You look good,” he tells Harry.

Harry shrugs off the compliment, inviting him to sit. “I ordered coffee.”

“Lovely. Need something hot inside me.” His eyes are smiling, full of mischief.

“The old ones are definitely the best.”

“Well, _you_ certainly think so.”

“Touché. Excuse me, Georgiou.” He attracts the attention of the owner’s eldest son. “Can we have a couple of menus? Thank you.” He turns his attention to Liam, relieved to see that he’s been recently fucked and is quite clearly feeling mellow. He still finds it funny the way Liam still has no idea they can tell when he’s been fucked, and proceeds as if the knowledge lies between himself and Zayn alone. “Wanna talk about the tour.”

Liam looks mildly surprised, the thought: ‘er, and? Why the invite to dinner then?’ as clear as if it had actually been vocalised. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Suddenly assaulted by an unexpected bout of nerves, he seeks to give his hands something to do and concentrates on the coffee, pouring the dark liquid into their cups.

“What about it?”

Harry carefully replaces the pot on the table, pours a dash of milk into his cup, stirs, all the while being careful to avoid Liam’s eyes.

Why the fuck is he so nervous all of a sudden? It’s just a formality, and no matter what Liam says he’s going ahead, so why the hell so jittery?

He has no idea if his nerves are as readily apparent to Liam, but he’s taking way too long to answer, which must, in itself, be enough to pique Liam’s curiosity. “Jeff’s coming on tour with me!” He says it in a rushed jumble, the tone of this statement coming across with a lot more bloody-minded defiance than he’d planned.

Liam uses the excuse of coffee-sipping to hide his expression, probably also to give himself time to respond.

Harry finds himself staring at him (despite his absolute intention to do nothing of the sort). It’s like he’s all of a sudden lost control of not only the conversation, but all of his higher brain functions, too.

Liam shrugs, as precise as Harry had been in replacing his cup carefully on the table, but is interrupted by Georgiou passing Harry the menus he’s requested.

“Thank you. We’ll be up with our order in a bit.”

“Take your time.” Smiling, he nods at Liam (who he’s only seen a few times) and takes his leave.

“He’s nice,” Liam observes, watching him.

“He’s straight.”

Liam gives him what Harry privately calls his: ‘good thing I really like you, mate’ stare, but otherwise ignores this. “When you say ‘Jeff’s coming on tour with me’ what exactly does that mean?”

Harry, happy to see that the bout of nerves has been and gone, hardly leaving a trace in its wake, gives an impatient shrug. “That he’s coming on tour.”

“Doesn’t he work?”

“Never heard of taking a vacation?”

“I’ve heard of it, yeah.”

“He’s taking time off.”

“To go on tour with you.”

“Why not? Not unheard of for partners, family and friends to do that.”

Liam looks thoughtful. “Family, yeah, partners?”

“Well if they can pretend it’s okay for Sophia to be travelling with you then they can hardly say a damn thing about Jeff-“

“Yeah, but he’s not your official partner, though.”

“Define official for me, will you, Liam?”

“Unfair. You know it’s not the same. She’s only there so they can sell it-“

“What I’m saying is that they’ve set it up to be acceptable, status quo to have partners on tour, so how can they turn around and tell me it’s _not_ okay? You and Zayn are together, so there’s that. If I want to have my partner with me, then they can’t tell me it’s not okay.”

Liam doesn’t look like he’s in the mood to debate, which is good since there’s no way he’d win this one. Harry simply wants him completely on side and not to fall into that self-interested fugue that assails him whenever there’s even the slightest possibility something – anything - might affect the set up he has with the company which allows him to be with Zayn and have the general public none the wiser.

“He wants to be with me and I’m going to tell them he’s coming, I just want you to know and be okay with it.”

“Don’t be stupid, Harry, man. You know I’m okay with it. I just don’t want things to get awkward.”

Harry leans back in his seat. “He’ll have to deal. He’s had enough fucking time to get used to it.”

He knows what Liam want to say, watches in interest to see if he’ll actually _say_ it.

Liam’s the type of guy whose philosophy pretty much runs along the lines of ‘made your bed, now lie in it!’ so Harry knows what his sympathy toward Louis is definitely _qualified_ , but he really does not like mess, will sympathise with you only so far and definitely no further than that.

Harry knows (and, of course, none of them have or will ever say it) that Liam took his side in the break-up, simply because of who Liam is, the type of character he has. Liam doesn’t think loyalty should come at any price – unlike Zayn – and there are certain things Harry does not believe he’d ever forgive, so he knows that he (and Niall) was on his side.

But he _really_ doesn’t like mess, and Harry’s fairly certain he’d think Harry should _compromise_ in order to limit the chances for there to be mess standing between them and a stress free tour. Compromise in the sense of not rubbing in Louis face the fact that he’s with someone else, happy with him, misses him enough to want to have him around in order to _continue_ being happy.

No, Liam probably doesn’t think that would contribute at all to a mess free environment.

But he doesn’t say it, merely nods, eyes saying everything his mouth decides _not_ to, smoothly changing the subject.

Well, that was a start.

But yeah, it’s pretty damn clear that there are going to be issues.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go. Looks like it might be one of those where we're looking at 'parts' rather than a many chaptered piece.

 

Jeff’s a good strategist.

Harry’s _sort_ of good at the barebones of it, but does have a tendency to take that one extra step that places the entire enterprise in jeopardy – ‘outclevering’ himself as Gemma so helpfully puts it.

Well, it’s probably true. He’s so used to his left hand doing one thing while everyone’s concentrating on his right that he finds it a little hard to adopt the less is more philosophy.

Since he knows just how easy it is to fool the public, he really should embrace Jeff’s philosophy and do just enough to give them a reason to be fooled – if that’s what they wanted.

He just can’t quite help wanting to put a _cherry_ on top.

But he’s getting better, and it _is_ better this way – Jeff’s way.

Jeff has such a low key attitude to everything it makes him at times feel like a flamboyant drama queen. The important point, however, is that it’s never _Jeff_ who makes him feel that way.

Funny how it took him so long to get that a partner doesn’t hold you to standards _they_ keep, simply reflects and supports, granting you all the space necessary to grow.

He’s changed so much since they met, and yet, on reflection, he concludes that Jeff hasn’t really done anything ostentatious or major, simply continued to be who he is, pretty much allowing Harry to make those changes because he was ready to.

With Louis it was like being put in a box, growing and growing and the box remaining static; twisting your limbs, folding in on yourself in an effort to pretend the box would continue to be your home, until the pain, the discomfort became intolerable. He no longer blames Louis for this; he simply grew and the box was no longer able to accommodate him.

He no longer feels that he’ll ever find himself in that position again. Being around Jeff has taught him so much about relationships – friendship, intimacy, love – that he genuinely can’t recognise himself in that Harry.

He isn’t tied to Jeff, is free to do what he wants, with whom he wants, the difference is that he no longer wishes to extend that permissiveness to sexual intimacy. Had Louis been faithful, wanted only _Harry_ then Harry would have been happily monogamous; would have tried and tried to make it work between them, but Louis had assumed Harry would simply choose to wait for him to come home, not stray himself, had pretty much counted on Harry’s intrinsically monogamous nature.

That, in the end, had proved to be the nail in their coffin.

He’d manipulated him, using Harry’s faithful tendency against him, taken advantage of his love to do what he pleased, to encourage Harry _not_ to do the same.

But for all that Louis had thought he had him sussed the truth is that he hadn’t known Harry half as well as he’d imagined, and had done precisely the wrong thing, made precisely the wrong move.

Louis manipulated him with a great deal of skill and ruthless intent, and this was why he hasn’t been entirely forgiven, why there’s still that jagged edge between them.

Harry had thought that’s how it worked; that when you were really in love with someone you’d do anything to keep them with you, that the adage ‘all’s fair in love and war’ had merit, could be an actual operating principle, and it was _flattering_ to have someone so into you they’d resort to dirty tactics just to keep you.

But that’s not how it is with Jeff; it’s so far from that the two things aren’t even in the same solar system.

Jeff seems to operate on the principle that if something’s right it’ll work, if it isn’t then it won’t, and doesn’t try to _make_ it work, doesn’t try to make it fit when it doesn’t, simply _accommodates_ Harry as Harry accommodates him.

And it works.

Jeff’s one of those guys who knows how to make life work, but isn’t in yer face about it, simply makes life work for him – on his terms – and that’s rubbing off on Harry.

The beauty of being with Jeff, being around Jeff is that he never draws attention to his own skills and talents, will never feel smug when you end up doing what he suggests, when he notices that you’ve adopted some of his habits or principles.

He has an entirely different idea of what a relationship looks like and Harry is, even now, finding that there are still surprises in store.

Jeff doesn’t regard the practice of bearding as especially problematic, not the way he does – well, how he _used_ to, in the past. He has a really pragmatic attitude to it all, approaching it as he does any other business matter – what are the factors; what’s the aim, how best to get it accomplished with maximum efficiency? Harry, used to the tactics employed by his management team had been adamant that he didn’t want to go that route. Jeff had listened, sympathised and then quietly suggested a variation on that, a strategy he felt might just accomplish what they wished to accomplish.

Their management team could probably do worse than employ someone like Jeff to devise their bearding strategies in the future, though he suspects that Jeff’s approach is a little too subtle to win favour, but then they have different agenda than he and Jeff do. Their agenda is to convince the general public that One Direction are a bunch of wholesome heterosexual young men who adore their respective girlfriends, on whom parents can happily fork out a ton of cash and be satisfied that their beloved teen daughter’s choice of pop idol is essentially harmless.

His and Jeff’s agenda is to give the public what they want – Harry associated with a hot blonde model, about whom he says nothing, but sees often enough to fuel chatter about their _actual_ relationship; Jeff associated with a co-worker with whom Harry and Harry’s possible girlfriend get on well so that their double dates can be accomplished easy as pie.

_He_ wouldn’t have thought of it: because he doesn’t like bearding, and it’s not the sort of long term strategic planning that comes readily to mind. It was easy for Jeff because that’s how his mind works, and he doesn’t have Harry’s history with bearding.

Harry really isn’t okay with either Louis or Liam having beards since he simply doesn’t accept that it’s okay to force people to lie about their sexuality, especially not for grossly commercial reasons , and he also knows firsthand the toll it takes on his friends.

But Jeff offers him a different perspective, suggesting he turn it around, regard it as less of an imposition, where you saw yourself victimised – by the company, by society’s lack of acceptance – and instead start seeing it as a way of taking back a measure of control. Jeff is aware of his perspective as to the gullibility of the general public, so shapes his argument around this pet peeve, suggesting that since the public want to believe he’s heterosexual with a weakness for hot blondes why not give them what they want whilst in the meantime going ahead and living life pretty much as he pleases.

And of course he gets it.

He got it before, of course; Zayn and Liam are together, have been for years; he’s been sleeping with guys, Louis’ been sleeping with guys – all while the public are convinced they’re fucking their girlfriends (or in his and Zayn’s case every groupie, reporter, presenter under the sun) – so he’s always _understood_ the principle. It’s just the first time he’s ever seen it quite this way, the changed _perspective_ making all the difference, for now he does see that he’s the one in control, that so long as the public think they know who he is, and more importantly, who he fucks, he and Jeff are free to go on their very public dates pretty much as and when they please.

And though he hates himself for this he’s quietly relieved that Liam and Zayn can’t do that – yet – because he knows intuitively that part of the reason it works is because he’s the only member of the band employing this precise strategy. Liam and Zayn can’t go on ‘double dates’ the way he and Jeff can, and this fact somehow lends legitimacy to the strategy they’ve devised.

Can’t help wondering what effect Jeff’s presence on tour will do have on that strategy.

Going by past experience it will have precisely no effect whatsoever.

 

 

**

 

It certainly appears from the outside that he’s attracted to older men – and women – and though he doesn’t himself see it precisely in those terms, can’t help but admit that it definitely looks that way

Well, from his perspective it’s not that he goes seeking older men or women but simply that his interests seem to coincide with those who have that mindset, a mindset absent – in general - in his close peers.

He does like hanging out with his peers – every now and again – just doesn’t find it particularly stimulating as a long term pursuit.

Older people, for now, are simply far more interesting, have far more to offer.

Likely that when _he’s_ older he’ll seek the company of younger people.

Life has a tendency to amuse itself at your expense that way.

But his preference does have a knock on effect in terms of his activities, his priorities – his relationships.

He no longer seeks the company of his bandmates the way he used to, and of _course_ it has an effect. For instance, after being away from them for protracted periods it’s become quite jarring to recognise just how far their values have diverged, how they’ve evolved in ways that are dissimilar to the trajectory of his own evolution, and it sometimes take effort (and time) to pull himself back from the feeling of jagged dissatisfaction (touched with impatience) when he recognises their ignorance.

It’s as thought they’ve become lazy and complacent, allowing themselves to become inured to the world outside their artificially created environment, content to live inside the bubble that’s become their lives and sod everything else.

Well, he can’t help being who he is – Harry styles, popstar – but he can make an effort each and every day to recall that he is also, and always will be, Harry the human being, whose presence makes an impact on lives - and act accordingly.

He isn’t happy being Harry from One Direction , hasn’t been for a long time and is more than ready to move on from that, but a part of him knows just how much he’d miss certain aspects of that life, and this is what fuels his efforts to try, to _keep_ trying to find a way to access that excitement and motivated professionalism he sees in both Niall and Liam.

He’s learned that in order to get through something difficult you literally have to put yourself in a state – either of excitement or determination – convince yourself it’s real, not just go through the motions, otherwise it becomes a chore.

So he creates a persona he accesses every time he performs and it works really well, so much so he actively has withdrawal symptoms whenever they’re not on tour.

Liam’s the one who taught him the technique, but he’s honed it, made it his own, surpassing Liam in his skill level. But, unlike Liam, he isn’t doing it to cover his own nervousness, simply revels in the ‘acting’ aspect of it. Liam _has_ to access this alter ego or he wouldn’t be able to perform, would literally be crippled by terror, whereas Harry simply enjoys putting on the show.

They’re all of them so different, really, and yet it’s this that makes them work so well. The mutual love and respect makes their difference a plus rather than a minus, and they go out of their way to make them work.

He just no longer has enough in common with them to seek their company outside of work.

Funny how at one point he could never have envisaged this scenario at all – him in LA, happy there, _preferring_ it there, only connecting with the others when it was absolutely necessary. Loving them still – no difference there at all – just no longer happy in their company.

Like an idiot he’d been feeling incredibly guilty about this, feeling like a treacherous, superior prick for finding his friends juvenile in their outlook and interests, trying his best to hide it. But of course they were aware of his lack of connection and had accommodated it – as they always, always did for each other – and it really hadn’t been that bad, after all.

They were who they were and could care less about his opinion – so long as it didn’t effect band affairs – happy to let him do his own thing. Not like they had any interest in _his_ interests – or in any of his friends.

They’re polite to his friends, welcoming and accommodating to Jeff, so there really is no issue.

Of course when he speaks of his bandmates interacting politely with his friends he’s speaking of Niall, Liam and Zayn.

Louis’ an altogether different issue.

 

 

**

Jeff’s a really skilful negotiator, good at listening, good at quickly divining the salient points of any issue, and hearing him, seeing him do his thing is far more arousing than it really ought to be.

He’s only got him for two days before he has to fly back to the UK and Jeff is putting in some serious overtime in order to make his absence during the next few months as painless as possible.

Harry doesn’t want to spend all of the two days in bed, but when Jeff does his thing it’s all he can think about.

Apparently his dirty thoughts are _not_ silent.

Jeff turns and looks at him, then when Harry gives a reactive smile of innocence grins and turns his back, continuing his conversation.

Harry, smiling, watches him, waits, wondering how distracting a kiss on the nape of his neck might prove to be.

A tattoo there would be nice, really, really nice, but he hasn’t managed to persuade him yet.

But he will.

Knows exactly how to persuade him.

“Okay, then. I’ll get that sent out this evening. Yeah, you too. Bye.” He ends the call, lets out a long breath. “Hard ass.”

“Thank you. I think.”

Jeff swings back toward him, laughing. “Firm, not hard.”

“Thank you,” he repeats, gaze roving over Jeff’s thighs. “Nicest thing anyone’s said to me.”

“Really? Find that hard to believe.” He’s leaning back in his chair, thighs spreading. His mouth is playful, eyes not.

Harry loves that look he gets in his eyes when he’s turning on, but he wants to see it intensify. “Well I suppose I’ve been told my eyes are quite nice.”

“Your mouth’s even nicer.”

“You think so?”

“Soft, wet, _delicious_.” Each word, separated by a beat, feels like the stroke of a talented cock.

Harry, belly jumping, takes out his phone, switches it off, stares at Jeff until he does the same – with each of his phones.

They have two days and looks like they’re about to make a start on devoting a quarter of their allotted time to... saying hello.

He only hopes he doesn’t end up doing something bloody stupid, like ensuring he’s unable to _walk_ to the airport tomorrow...

Wouldn’t be the first time.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of this part.

 

 

Nick’s jealous.

Harry’s very familiar with the scent, the always bitter taste of jealousy so recognises it straight away.

But he knows by now that there’s nothing he can do about Nick’s feelings, so is no longer motivated to even attempt to fix anything.

They’re _friends_ , and despite Nick’s insecurities will remain friends – unless something happens to change that.

Well, of course this is the crux – that Nick’s jealous of his friendships with other people, fears (though he won’t come out and say this) being usurped in Harry’s affections, which makes Harry’s confidence that nothing’s going to change pretty much irrelevant.

But they haven’t even discussed the subject - haven’t, don’t, probably won’t - and it’s not because there are taboo subjects between them (though maybe Louis might qualify), it’s just that he knows (even if Nick doesn’t) that this cuts too close to the bone for Nick to ever even want to admit to it being a thing.

He’s been forced to admit that the reason he was attracted to both Nick and Louis was likely due to the fact that they do have rather a lot in common - the same type, really, much in the same that Jeff was very much a _different_ type to either of them; more like Niall (if he had to pick a type from a fairly limited set of templates). And while he doesn’t subscribe to the idea that there’s a _perfect_ type and that anyone who falls outside that set of parameters can’t be loved, can’t be part of a successful coupling, he does recognise, now, that there are people with whom you’ll never make it work long term.

The truth is that Nick and Louis are very alike and though he enjoys their energy, loves being around them he can admit now that neither of them are suitable partners – for him, at least.

He honestly doesn’t know who would qualify as their ideal guy, just knows that it isn’t him.

It did burn for a little while once he acknowledged that he was no more suitable for Louis than Louis was for him; that he couldn’t make Louis happy just by being himself; that had he been who Louis needed, whom he wanted then there’d have been no requirement to twist himself into uncomfortable knots.

But he’s at peace with it now, now that he sees and feels what it looks like when you simply fit with the other person, when the only ‘adjustment’ is a _easing_ of position to make for an even _better_ fit. The adjustment is something you do naturally and instinctively – doesn’t hurt, doesn’t even smart, so seamless you hardly even know you’ve done it.

Jeff does this all the time – you only realise this later, only later realise that you do it for him too.

Though he’s learning about relationships, about friendships, Harry’s fairly sure that since he met Jeff he’s undertaken the equivalent of a PhD in the subject. Not saying he’s a master, but he knows for sure that if he and Jeff split, his next relationship will reap the rewards of everything he’s learned under Jeff’s subtle tutelage.

Jeff’s not his only tutor, of course – he has teachers all around him – but Jeff has the harder task since he too is learning as he goes, and more to the point doesn’t really know he’s teaching him anything at all.

He’s simply in love, and just so happens to be doing everything right, everything Harry isn’t used to, everything he didn’t know he needed to know – and doing it so perfectly it sometimes takes Harry’s very breath.

Nick’s jealous of him, but it’s not _sexual_ jealousy, just friendship jealousy, since he recognises that Jeff’s taken his place (though Harry would argue the point) and he can’t compete.

What Nick fails to recognise and probably would have a hard time accepting even if he did is that there is absolutely no-one in the world, Jeff included, who could take his place. He isn’t Jeff, Harry doesn’t need him to be – he already has a Jeff. He just needs him to be Nick, because he doesn’t have another Nick, because there is only one Nick. He doesn’t explicate what Nick means to him, but until now he hadn’t realised he _needed_ to.

So, Nick’s feeling a little bruised by his relationship with Jeff (though he hasn’t said so explicitly) and Harry knows it’s no use talking to him, saying things to him – Nick’s a wordsmith so he knows the value of words, knows how cleverly they can be used to say absolutely nothing sincere – so he resolves not to go that route, simply to show him, in time, how little he has to fear.

Nick’s met Jeff - very, very briefly a little while ago - and Harry should have figured something was up when he had hardly anything to say on the matter, not even going to the trouble of making a quip at either his or Jeff’s expense, but he hasn’t otherwise been noticeably weird, so Harry hadn’t really noticed Now he’s worked it out he can’t say he’s entirely surprised; Nick covers up a lot of insecurity with his out there persona – the way Louis does – but it’s clear that it matters more to him to be loved as a friend rather than a lover.

He wants to be Harry’s special, _special_ friend and that mantel, he now believes, has been taken by – _given_ to – someone else.

Well, Harry will just have to find a way to convince him otherwise.

 

 

**

 

“The day you take any notice of me is the day I’ll take off my knickers, climb that flagpole on top of Buckingham Palace, and hang them off the end!”

“Er, couldn’t you just get a different pair of knickers and tie _those_ up there? I just don’t get why you’d need to take off your knickers to do that. Who’d know they were the knickers you’d been wearing? I mean would it be _obvious_ or something? Cos I don-“

“It’s designed to illustrate just how bloody unlikely it would be! And miss the point, why don’t you?” Gemma’s eating something, something that incorporates some form of liquid but also entails an element of chewing. So probably soup with bits in or soup accompanied by bread. He can tell by the sounds she’s making – sort of slurping, but mouth full sounds too.

“What you eating?”

The silence on the end of the line means: “Really? That’s what your response is?”, but he awaits the actual words: sometimes she surprises him. Sometimes.

“Oh wow, change the subject, why don’t you?” Slurp. “If you must know, if it will make you sleep easier at night, I am currently enjoying some Covent Garden veg soup.”

“My favourite.”

“And Sainsbury’s brioche.”

“Nice.”

“But to get back to the point. You sure you’ve thought this through? It’s not necessary, and I can’t help but think it’s going to cause more complications than you honestly need right now, Harry. You really, really sure?”

“Gem, we’ve discussed it, I’ve okayed it with the team, discussed it with the guys.” He shrugs, wondering why she’s so agsint it. She hasn’t budged her position at all since he suggested it two months earlier. “It’ll be fine. It’s no different from Johnny or Matty – or you – coming with. Why do you think it’s so different?”

The silence would be her taking the time to indulge in an exaggerated eyeroll. “Er, excuse me, Johnny and Matty weren’t sharing your bed!”

“No, but what’s that got to do with it?”

“Oh stop being deliberately disingenuous, Harry. You know it’s different.”

“I don’t know. It’s not! Jeff’s not gonna get in the way, not going to interfere-“

“He’s no Michael, I’ll grant you that, but you can’t have forgotten what that was like at the beginning.”

Harry sighs. “Gems, I can’t keep tip-toeing around his feelings-“

“I’m not even talking about that. Far as I’m concerned he needs to grow the fuck up.” Harry braces himself for another rant against Louis, but she eschews the opportunity. “Jeff’s a grown-up, Harry, he has experience and ...seniority, I suppose, for want of a better word. I just don’t see him being content to be just another part of the crew-“

“How do you mean?” He doesn’t quite see what she’s driving at, but he’s getting an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“I dunno, really, but the fact that he is who he is – travelling with you and not officially being your partner...“

“Everyone who matters knows he’s my partner-“

“Harry, will you shut up for a minute and listen. I’m not having a go at you – or him – I’m just saying that I can see how things might get a bit awkward.”

“I still don’t get it. Awkward how?”

“I dunno, just that people might resent him being around, being part of the crew that way.”

“Why, was something said? Last year when he was with us in the states, I mean.”

Her hesitation answers the question for her. “Sort of.”

“What? What was said?” He’s getting angry though he doesn’t really have a concrete _target_ for this anger.

“Nothing much, just a storm in a teacup, just heard a few rumblings, that’s all. Not gonna say who I think started them, but it felt like Chinese whispers, know what I mean? Same thing happened with Cal, remember? And we both know who has it in for him.”

Yeah, they certainly did, and though there might have been a time when he’d bury his head in the sand over this, he’s subsequently learned, to his cost, that this tactic rarely, if ever, works out.

If something was likely to be an issue then you simply had to prevent it from ever _becoming_ one.

Grasp the nettle, pull, get rid – done.

“What was said?”

“Doesn’t matter, can’t even properly remember.”

“Tell me.”

She might, she might not; Gemma still tries to protect him as much as she possibly can and she knows that hearing anything bad about Jeff will hurt him. “Just the usual type of thing – using you, trying to get a leg up by riding on your back – that kind of shit.”

He nods to himself, lips pursed. So, this had gone on and he hadn’t been aware.

Had any of it got back to Jeff? Even if he’d heard anything it wasn’t certain he’d have said anything to Harry, in any case. “You sure he started it?”

He doesn’t expect her to hesitate and she doesn’t. “His fingerprints are all over it, to be fair. You know how he does things.”

Yeah, he certainly does. “In your opinion, did it go further than just Chinese whispering? Did people buy it?”

Another hesitation, but really, the question’s already been answered, answered by her stubborn reluctance to get on board with this plan. This alone should have alerted him to the fact that something was up.  

She should have told him, should have told him long ago.

“I think enough of them did for it to be awkward, Harry. Sorry.”

“You should have told me, Gem.” He knows he shouldn’t be but he is a little annoyed at her. Not only did she withhold valuable information she had no business keeping to herself, but she’s actually made things quite complicated now.

Had he been aware of the situation regarding Jeff and the bad seed planted in the minds of the crew then he’d have taken a different approach – certainly not simply announced Jeff was coming with, all without previously mending fences, allowing them to see who Jeff _really_ was.

Her sigh is apologetic, but Gemma’s not one to waste too much energy on regrets. “So, how do you want to play this?”

“Not sure, but I don’t intend to involve Jeff in any of this.”

“Harry-“

“No. He doesn’t need to know. What good’s it gonna do for him to know? It’s all lies and bad-mouthing. You’ve always told me not to look at that stuff when I know it’s there – and you’re right. I know it’s there, doesn’t mean I have to make my eyes bleed by actually _looking_ at the shit. Same goes double for Jeff. Yeah I know he’s tough, but still, I don’t want him to know that people have the wrong idea about him, people associated with me. You can understand that, can’t you, Gems?”

She again takes time responding, which again is no surprise – he knows she does things differently to him. “If I were Jeff I’d want to know. If you keep it from him it’s going to seem like you’re hiding stuff.”

“He’ll understand.”

“Hope so.”

And he can only regard the words, plus the way in which they’re delivered as just that little bit ominous.

 

 

**

 

The first thing is to take the pulse of the crew.

He’d sort of done it before, but that had been fairly superficial – just needed to know that they were okay with Jeff, and since most of the team had been (or so he’d thought at the time) he’d left it at that. Not like their dislike or lukewarm attitude would have had any effect on his decision.

It might, however, have altered his approach.

Well, he’s aware now, and that’s what matters.

He really isn’t great at being subtle, and he knows it, so there’s no way he could successfully take inventory without arousing suspicion.

So he decides on a direct approach – semi direct approach.

John and the rest of the band aren’t part of the crew, they’re fine with Jeff, have always been cool with whomever the guys partner with, and since Jeff’s so likeable there’s no way they wouldn’t have been okay with him.

No, it’s the people who are 1 or more degrees removed he needs to target.

Past history says that whenever there’ve been problems – leaks or the surge of a certain negativity – chances are better than good that the source can be traced back to this group.

He decides to target a couple of girls in the ‘office’, aware that they gossip, that things are passed on from this general source - using that to his own advantage.

Shazia and Mandy are fairly new, but since you learn quickly in this business you don’t stay ‘new’ for too long. He hasn’t exactly made friends with them – no particular reason, just hasn’t happened, but they get on well enough and he’s confident his strategy has a decent chance of succeeding.

Jeff’s coming on tour – that’s set in stone – but maybe he needs to _talk_ about it, make them feel included in this, that way they might then feel they’ve a vested interest in making life as easy for both him and Harry as they possibly can.

He invites them both out for lunch.

No point trying to make it seem casual or a spur of the moment thing – it actually works to his advantage to make it fairly formal, part of their job, to make it appear that he’s treating them as the skilled professionals they are.

He makes a point of standing as they arrive, smiling, but not the easy smile mates, no doing all he can to convey the relaxed formality of a business lunch. “Hello. Thank you for coming.”

They both acknowledge this with ready, polite smiles, but he can already tell they’re by turns curious and maybe just a little nervous as they accept his invitation to sit.

They go through the business of exchanges small talk and ordering before he starts with his opening gambit. “I’m taking Jeff, my partner, on tour with me. Now, we’re all aware of the non disclosure clauses in all our contracts, but I also know how hard it is to keep everything in house, especially when we’re on the road.” He senses that he may have said the wrong thing, inadvertently given the wrong impression so moves to rectify that. “Don’t get me wrong, I know everyone keeps a lid on things, and to be honest I have no idea how you manage it. I’m just asking for you to go 200% this time round. I don’t know if you’re aware, but me and Jeff are planning something for later this year and it’s really, really important that no-one gets wind. Jeff’s also a bit iffy about fitting in with us – thinks that he’ll stick out like a sore thumb, or that he’ll cramp my style.” He finds his most charming smile. “As if anyone could cramp my style.” And they respond as he hoped they would to this bit of nonsense, relaxing their guard, opening themselves up to his charming manipulation. “But seriously, he does think he’ll be out of place, and I’d be really grateful if you could do whatever you can to make him feel at home. You look after _us_ so well, just wonder if you could do the same for Jeff.”

And that is all it takes.

Though, yes, it is manipulation, it’s both necessary, and ultimately harmless manipulation. They’ve been made to feel like they’re now in his confidence and will, of course, look after Jeff’s interests as if he were the future King of England.

Good. Maybe that might limit some of the damage rendered by the poison they’d been fed.

He briefly considers tackling some of the male members of the crew, but has learned from experience that when men are homophobic it’s best not to even bother trying to change their minds; you simply deal with them a certain way, tackle their homophobia as and when it arises.

Their pride would first of all not even allow them to acknowledge they’d been influence by anything so weak and facile as ‘gossip’ or false rumour, and would certainly not allow them to support either Jeff or Harry in any way.

So he takes the path of least resistance and slowly, cleverly engages the female members, knowing that’ll be enough to effect change.

 

**

 

Harry isn’t one to act on hearsay and though he has no _proof,_ he trusts Gemma’s instincts – and his own.

Louis is sly - no other word comes to mind to describe the way he thinks and acts at times - and when he feels he’s been wronged, all the worst aspects of his nature are allowed free reign.

He justifies this – Harry knows, having been there – by citing the wrong done to him as reason to strike back.

Harry would really love to know how Jeff’s wronged him.

Jeff didn’t steal Harry from him; didn’t make him cheat on Harry from the get go; didn’t make him treat Harry like dirt too many times for it to be simply a one-off ‘mood thing’.

The only thing Jeff may reasonably be accused of is showing Louis up, of simply being better than him in every way that counts. If that’s the crime well okay, yes, then Jeff is indeed guilty.

Louis has no right to play judge, jury, and executioner, however. It may be several months behind them, and true, he has no, and most likely never will have, proof that Louis’ the one behind the chatter that turned the crew against Jeff, but Harry knows he needs to address this or he and Louis will never again be at ease.

He can think of nothing he wants to do _less_ than this, but now that he’s no longer in the business of burying his head in the sand, naturally resolves to do it right away.

He knows Louis, knows that even when you think you’ve removed the sting, there’ll still be poison left in your veins, slowly working its way to your heart till it eventually drops you in your tracks.

Though he’ll do his best to seek out and subsequently remove every bit of the sting, he simply isn’t at all confident he has the wherewithal to tackle Louis in the way he knows he needs to.

Which is why he now reluctantly admits to himself that this tour will most likely _not_ play out the way he envisaged.


	4. Chapter 4

 

He doesn’t visit Louis and Louis doesn’t visit him – not without good cause (like being a member of a party that includes the other guys), and certainly not without invitation. He won’t say he’s coming over, though, and it’s not because he has it in his head to catch him off guard, it’s just that it’s not like that between them anymore. If he said he was coming round, Louis would have to wonder why, and would actually be on guard whether Harry confronted him about Jeff or not.

So funny how it is with them these days, but maybe that’s how it is with any couple who’s broken up, but not quite managed to find the easy friendship that makes any awkwardness borne of past intimacy a non-issue.

He wishes it could have been the way it is with Nick, but really, given the way it played out, given the way they hurt each other, perhaps that was never on the cards.

He has no idea how he’s going to tackle this outside of directly confronting him, confronting him about the fact that he’s been doing his best to damage Jeff in the eyes of the crew.

Thing is he knows Louis, knows his tells, so is confident he’ll know the truth in seconds flat.

His stomach clenches as he genuinely finds himself at a loss as to what he’ll actually do if he learns Louis’ actually done what he’s about to accuse him of doing.

Why the hell can’t people be nice for fuck’s sake?

 

 

**

Of course he chooses the wrong time to call. He sees straight away that he has company. Problem is it’s not the kind of company that should make him turn and walk the other way – it’s Liam’s car in the drive, and if Liam’s there then Zayn’s there too – and he really isn’t in the mood for the type of dynamic the four of them create. But he’s here now and he’s not walking away.

Obviously it’s become ten times more difficult, but he’ll find a way – not coming back another day; that would be too hard.

Zayn’s the one who opens the door, obviously surprised to see him, immediately suspicious, but being Zayn masking it well.

“Hey, bro.” A nice hug. “Come in, we’re in the back.”

“Oh? In the pool?” If Liam and Louis were swimming no wonder Zayn was elsewhere.

“Yeah. You know how they get.”

Harry did indeed.

When you were in the mood there was nothing better than being around these guys. When you weren’t, it was torture.

Harry couldn’t quite yet decide whether this was a door A or door B scenario. “Didn’t think to bring me cossie.”

Zayn grins, but doesn’t reply, leading the way in his loping way to the back of the house. “We have a guest.”

Harry swears he hears a note of warning in Zayn’s voice, but knows that this is quite clearly a case of paranoia. Sure his visit is unusual, but why it should be cause for concern or suspicion he has no idea.

Unless...

Unless Zayn knows something he doesn’t.

Given Zayn’s role as Louis’ confidante it’s very likely he’s in on the plan to blacken Jeff’s name too.

Of course he is.

They probably all are.

He can feel his hackles rising even as he tells himself not to be stupid.

“Hi,” he says, skillfully masking his surprise as the spots the stranger sitting on the side of the pool.

Ah, so that explained Zayn’s demeanour. But, they really think he _cares_ about Louis’ guys?

Still, maybe it’s just a case of old habits dying hard.

Unwittingly he finds his mouth tightening as he’s assailed by the memory of crying over him, breaking his heart over Louis’ determination to force Harry to ‘get with the programme’.

Such a bastard when it came to getting his own way, bending everyone ot his will.

So selfish.

Sure, he has his _moments_ , but there’s never a time when the selfishness isn’t also encircled with an ever tightening handcuff of guilt.

The trouble with Louis is that his selfishness is allowed free reign, not even the hint of a handcuff in sight.

He doesn’t look pleased to see him and Harry doesn’t miss the quick, reflexive glance at the new fella.

Like he gives a fuck. The guy’s presence does, however, make this a bit trickier. He knows Louis’ going to play it up for the guy, make himself look like a big man, a funny man, too cool for fucking school, but the point is it’s likely to make getting to it that much harder.

Of course Louis has a type – people who aren’t as secure, aren’t as pretty, aren’t as successful as him, so Harry assumes this must be true of this one, too. He’s good-looking enough, but, not to be uncharitable or anything, doesn’t exactly look the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

But who’s _he_ to judge?

“Hazza, eh up, mate. What brings you round here this fine morning?”

Well, he asked, so... “It’s about Jeff. Can I have a word - in private?”

That does not go down well, and he can sense the ripples go through the room, Liam and Zayn exchanging a quick, but extremely loud glance.

Louis would obviously like to find an excuse not to, but Harry landed it on him an in such a way that saying anything other than ‘sure’ would make him look like an idiot.

“What, right now?” He isn’t moving, eyes flicking to the new guy. Is he trying to impress him or is there something else going on?

“I’m not stopping.”

Well, that’s clear enough, surely.

Beside him he can practically _feel_ Zayn’s agitation. He is so impatient at times, Harry often wonders how it is he and Liam get on so well. But then Liam’s possibly the most impatient person he’s ever known once he gets a cob on, so, maybe they cancel each other out…

Louis is really not happy, and new guy or not he’s making no effort to hide it. “Well just spill, then. Not getting out, Hazza, sorry.”

Nodding silently to himself, Harry doesn’t hesitate to take him up on his offer. “You’ve been making up lies about Jeff and I want to know why.”

Zayn and Liam’s unfeigned surprise pretty much answers that question, but because they’re in Louis’ home and there’s an unspoken rule pertaining to hosts and the default loyalty expected from guests, it’s clear they’ve elected to withhold judgement, which is why they aren’t glaring at him in censure the way they really should be.

The new guy seems more interested in swinging his feet to and fro, turnig a blind eye to the drama unfolding around him.

Oh this one must be fun between the sheets.

The silence from Louis is reminiscent of the silence before a bomb drops, explodes.

Harry silently watches and waits, almost _willing_ him to explode. If he loses his temper it’ll give him the opening he’s looking for to take him part.

“What the fuck are you on, Styles? Why the hell would I be interested in your boyfriend? I’m not.” He gives a dismissive laugh. “And who the hell would I be telling these ‘lies’ to in any case?” He invites Zayn and Liam to share the joke. “Sorry, Harry, your boyfriend isn’t interesting enough to make up stories about.”

“Then why did you? If he’s that uninteresting why go to all that trouble? You wouldn’t feel threatened by him, would you Louis?”

He has a certain tone of voice that he knows drives Louis up the wall, so of course he uses it now.

Well, it had been Gemma who’d thought Louis had been running the smear campaign and Harry hadn’t been sure - until now. He knows Louis so well, so, so well that all his little ‘tells’ are completely transparent to him, and he’s _telling_ now, telling him that he’s guilty as fuck.

Louis, meanwhile has dropped every pretence of amusement, of play.

With his hair plastered to his head he looks like a river rat about to sneak up on a baby left unattended near the water’s edge. “By that fat lump of lard? Why would I? Gotta love a guy who dines on another bloke’s sloppy seconds.”

Harry snorts. Is that the best he can do? “I don’t think Mikey minded taking on Nick’s ‘sloppy seconds’ and I know Jeff didn’t mind taking on Mike’s. That’s life, isn’t it – you can’t always be the first, but I guess there’s every chance of you being the last. I’m guessing most people would take the second over the first any day.”

He has the satisfaction of seeing the barb find its target, pierce flesh.

Good. Louis knows better than to go anywhere near that open wound. Or so Harry had believed. Clearly, clearly he hasn’t recovered from the effects of Harry’s gutting, so why he’s allowing himself to revisit that pain is a mystery. But then isn’t that Louis all over? Took so long – too long – for him to recognise that some people had self-destruction written all over them, written into their very dna and if you stayed around them you’d likely go down when they finally pulled the pin on that grenade.

He will forever be grateful to Jeff, to Nick for allowing him to see that before it was too late.

He has a distance between himself and Louis these days and is all the better for it. He’d hope the same for Liam and Zayn, but suspects that their partnership insulates them from any fuckery Louis might bring.

Louis’ narrowing eyes and tightening sulk of a mouth signal his next move, but Harry waits anyway, never once taking his eyes off him.

Louis doesn’t mind looking like a spiteful piece of shit in front of Liam or Zayn. Harry would have thought he might have minded the new guy witnessing it, but apparently not. Clearly the red mist has taken hold and he’s tasting blood.

“I’m surprised you want to go there, Harry. Don’t mind looking like a whore then, I see.”

“Well, if you don’t mind, I don’t.”

He knows his calm is getting under Louis’ skin, knows that this is a sure way to make him lose it completely.

So predictable, so easily ruffled, so easily played.

You don’t have to do much; just flip the switch and watch as he self-destructs.

But Zayn’s here, Liam’s here and they won’t let that happen.

“Harry, you fancy a sandwich before you go? I was just gonna make us some.” Zayn’s calm, but his eyes are saying ‘please, please’.

Harry makes a point of turning first to him and then to the still seething Louis, making it clear that he knows what Zayn’s doing and is making a conscious _choice_ to let it go. “Alright, I actually wouldn’t mind a sarnie as it happens.” He holds Louis’ gaze for a tense few seconds. He really hopes Louis doesn’t believe this is it, that this is anywhere close to being it and you know what, why not tell him so, make him sweat, make him wonder what Harry has on him, what he’ll uncover.

Yeah, make him sweat. “This isn’t over, Louis. You can do it in private next time or however you like, but it isn’t done.”

As he turns to follow Zayn’s relieved back out the door he hears Louis’ “Fuck you”, said under his breath but loud enough so Harry’s sure to hear.

Typical, he thinks with some degree of smug satisfaction, has to have the last word, no matter what.

There is nothing, here, he hasn’t experienced a hundred times before, all the familiar patterns letting him know he has the upper hand, the way he has for the last few years.

Louis thinks he understands psychology, can get under people’s skin because he knows what makes them tick, but he has never really understood _him_ , and is also, quite unfortunately blind to his own shortcomings, which ironically makes him very easy to manipulate.

Harry’s always maintained that there’s no point in knowing what makes other people tick yet be blind to your own vulnerabilities. While Louis’ _aware_ of his insecurities, there are other slightly more subtle cues of which he’s unaware and that’s why he will, now, _always_ lose to him.

Harry knows this fact frustrates him, knows that on some level he recognises the truth of it; it’s just that he doesn’t yet understand the _why_ of it.

And now he’s given Harry even more reason not to let him in on it, given him no reason whatever to change his mind about taking him apart for his temerity in attempting to fuck with Jeff.

Funny because Louis fucking _knows_ what he’s capable of, yet he chose to stick his hand in the shark tank.

Typical self-destructiveness on his part, and at this point Harry has every intention of extending a helping hand to aid him in the speedy completion of that endeavour.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

“So he completely blanked you?”

Harry laughs; he loves when Jeff goes ‘all British on your arse’. He especially loves the way he says ‘arse’. “Yeah, he completely ‘blanked’ me. Not that I was surprised. You know what he’s like.”

“Thankfully, not really, only from a distance.”

“And I’m gonna make sure we keep it that way – keep him at arm’s length.” He’s pursed his lips in a mixture of annoyance and determination, wondering not for the first time that week just when he’ll be free of the fucking irritant Louis has become.

He can’t even, these days, think of him without a part of him tensing, a flood of sourness in his belly.

Louis’ the sort of ex you want to completely expunge from your life since, like a virus, they’ll continue to influence you, taint you and all your little things for as long as they exist.

He sees Louis as one of these people who if they had a choice to take the high or the low road the low road would pretty much always be the first choice.

He doesn’t get him. He thought he did once upon a time, but that was when he was still bedazzled and befuddled, behaving like the greenest of green novices. And of course Louis had taken full advantage of that, because he is, after all, a low road kinda guy…

“I swear to god, Jeff, I don’t know how much longer I can keep from punching him in the face.”

“Steady on, old chap.” Jeff doesn’t even try to say this in a British accent, just says it like it’s a thing anyone even says, and Harry finds himself laughing again. “What? I say something amusing, old bean?”

“Stop it. You idiot! Do you know how ridiculous you sound?”

“Well, I say, that is uncommonly rude of you, dear boy.”

“Stop,” he pleads, putting down the phone and switching to speaker. “I do not want to laugh. This is so not a laughing matter.”

“What, what, my dear fellow? Not a laughing matter? Then why, pray, old chap, are you making like a wheezing bellows over there?”

Harry doesn’t answer, too busy laughing, too busy wondering, not for the first time that week how the fuck he got so lucky.

 

**

He expected Liam, but it’s Zayn.

They stare at each other for a moment in which Zayn makes it abundantly clear why he’s there.

Shrugging, Harry, lets him in.

He makes the expected gestures of hospitality and when Zayn makes the expected responses they settle down together and begin.

“You know I don’t take sides, Harry.”

“Come on, Zayn.”

Zayn shrugs. “He was wrong, I was always on your side, you know that.”

“But?”

“But this is different.”

“Yeah, cos he’s brought it to Jeff and that’s not on.”

“I see that, not disputing that – if it’s true.” He’s giving him the sincere, solemn eyes. “I’m saying you don’t know it’s true.” He waits, because Zayn’s like a lawyer in the way he thinks, in the way he constructs his arguments, and he knows he’s right. Zayn doesn’t generally start an argument he thinks he won’t win – except with Liam, of course.

Harry stares back at him. “You know for a fact he’s innocent.” He makes no attempt to hide the disdain.

Zayn shrugs again. “I don’t, no, but neither do you.”

“And knowing him the way we both do you think it’s beyond the realms of possibility that he dissed Jeff, started all those rumours.”

“No, not saying that, but he says he didn’t and why wouldn’t I believe him?”

“Because you of all people know what he’s capable of.”

“And if it was you, Harry, if it was you telling me you were innocent, wrongly accused you’d expect me not to take your word?”

“If it was me, Zayn, you wouldn’t be expected to take my word, you’d fucking know I wasn’t capable of it.”

“I’m not talking about this specific situation; I’m talking about the general situation where you tell me to my face you’re innocent. Would you really be okay with me not taking you at your word?”

“No, but loyalty should only go so far, Zayn.”

“Agreed, but tell me where the line is. It’s not where you have no evidence, where it’s two friends who are having beef saying two different things. I’m not being disloyal to you Harry and loyal to Louis, I’m just not being disloyal to Louis since I have no evidence to tell me I should be.”

They stare at each other and there’s a sense of helplessness, because Zayn’s right and this is a thing he has always admired about him; the way he’s unfailingly loyal to his friends, the way he supports you even when you fuck up, even when you do stupid things.

He’d had no intention of bringing the others into this, had expected to be able to keep it between himself and Louis. Just his luck that his friends had been witness to it, so were now part of it (though it was likely that Louis would have enlisted them to his cause anyway, probably put a very different spin on everything – had he had the opportunity to get to them first. At least this way they’d had the chance to hear it from him rather than the warped Louis version).

“Harry, you can see the position I’m in. If he’s done this, then I dunno, that’s way rank, man, but I can’t just _assume_ he has. This isn’t a little thing you can just shrug off – it’s serious, seriously rank shit and I couldn’t forgive him for it. So I have to be sure.”

“He’s done it,” he says quietly, looking at his feet. He doesn’t want to force it on him, doesn’t want to look to be trying to convince him, so he doesn’t meet his eye.

“Prove it. Prove it, Harry. I need you to, because the last thing I want is to hurt you, hurt Jeff.” He reaches for Harry’s hand. “But how can I just believe you and therefore disbelieve _him_ without evidence? How would that look?”

“I know.” He squeezes his hand. “What’s Liam say?”

Zayn raises an eyebrow, but it’s so quick Harry could easily convince himself it didn’t happen. “He believes you.”

And those three words say more than Zayn probably realizes.

Harry stares at him, understanding. This isn’t about him and Louis at all, it’s about Liam. He thought Zayn was here looking to defend Louis, but understands now that he’s looking for evidence against him so he can back Liam.

He hugs this new perspective to his chest, realizing that where he thought he was getting ready to fight a battle, he was actually being auditioned by a prospective ally.

 

But he’s not going to let on; the best way to deal with Zayn is to pretend you don’t know Liam’s his Achilles heel, work your way around him, around the elephant in the room, make him think he’s in the driver’s seat.

“I got something in the post the other day. I think you’ll like it.”

Zayn, used to him, merely grins and sits back, waiting for him to fetch it.

There’s a definite advantage in always being yourself – it means the people who know you best no longer have that look on their faces when you do your thing.

He wonders, though, if Zayn’s up to exercising his lungs today.

With Zayn you just never know.

 

**

His mum has always liked Louis. She has never had any difficulties believing that he’s a dickhead, however. But his mum doesn’t really hold grudges, nor is she judgmental the way Gemma is, so he’s still a subject she allows, doesn’t find a strain to address.

She shares Zayn’s perspective, though she goes one further and tells him to let it go. “The fact that you know, that it’s no longer a mystery is enough, darling. Let it go.”

She’s right, of course – he should let it go. It did make a difference finding out what and who was behind the hostility toward Jeff, so he really should be content with that.

But he isn’t, and _isn’t_ prepared to let it go.

But he’ll agree with her. No point in making his case – from his mum’s perspective he has no case.

He’ll agree with her and move on.

And simply tackle it himself.

His mum may not bear grudges, but clearly he and Gemma are their father’s children in this.

Mum for the positives, dad for the negatives.

Well, isn’t that what parents are for?

 


End file.
